A Less Often Talked About Example of Headship in Marriage

This past weekend was so much fun. I spent Saturday and Sunday doing things that normal, healthy people can do with no problems but are rare for me and risky to me because of my chronic nerve pain.

On Saturday, there was a photo shoot with my husband; and on Sunday we visited our daughter, son-in-law, and new grandson. That little guy is such a joy! At seven and a half weeks old, he is just starting to smile. I counted FIVE smiles that he gave this enamored Gigi!

I got to hold our precious grandson a lot while sitting down. A few times, I carried all ten pounds of him as I walked around from room to room. I knew this might be risky because of the chronic nerve pain in my feet, but I couldn’t resist. Like lots of babies, walking about helps to sooth his fussiness; and his little cries gave me a chance to care for him that way.

When I made the plans for the photo shoot and the visit for the same weekend, I thought I had the wellness to do both. I had been feeling better as of late. But things started to go downhill somewhat on Saturday and even more on Sunday. I kept going anyway because everything was so much fun and so special.

When we got home Sunday night, the pain in my feet suddenly skyrocketed. I could barely walk. When I woke up Monday morning I was in agony. I had to limp or crawl on the floor to get around. At one point, my husband came into our bedroom and found me sitting on the end of our bed. I told him how bad my feet were hurting. They were worse than they had been in months.

In debilitating pain, I began to list the ways I overdid it. Dark clouds of negative emotion rolled in along with a harsh review of myself. Why did I plan these two events for the same weekend? Why wasn’t I more careful on Sunday? My feet were already acting up because of Saturday, so why did I walk around so much holding the baby? Why can’t I do these normal things? Will I never get to hold and walk-around with our grandson again? He will only get bigger and heavier! My feet won’t be able to take that.

My husband stopped me and said, “No lamenting and no what-if-ing”. This was not said out of cold bossiness. It was said out of loving care.

Since I live in the habit of taking his words as directives (aka submission), his commands had an effect. They stopped me from spiraling down to more sadness and further beating myself up for not being more careful. He led me to a better place emotionally which would undoubtedly help with the physical distress.

Because of my husband’s quick leadership – and because I followed it – I did not proceed to wallow in negativity. I did not catastrophize more about the future. Instead, we thanked God for the weekend experiences and memories, I thanked God for my husband, and we prayed that relief would come soon.

This was not the first time something like this has happened, as I have not considered my emotions and thoughts to be outside the scope of my husband’s authority for quite some time. I haven’t always respond as fast as I did this time, but it is always a blessing to have his leadership in this way.

Because of God’s gracious work in me and my hope in Him, I would have gotten my emotions and thoughts to a better place on my own eventually, but following my husband’s guidance got me there quicker.

Ladies, don’t unbiblically limit the areas that your husband can lead you in. Submit “in everything” as Ephesians 5:24 says. Do it first out of obedience to God, but also for your own good. Consider submitting even your negative emotions and thoughts. It can take work, time, lots of trust, and communication to get there, but the results might amaze you as you apply God’s design to this area. Though it shouldn’t surprise us that following God’s way is best for us.

Can you please pray that the pain decreases soon? Thank you

He stepped under the umbrella, wrapped his arm around me, and whispered in my ear,
“Look beyond the clouds and see the sunshine”.